1 August 2025

Kia ora koutou,

I spent most of the first week of the recent break at the World Congress on Positive Psychology. It had been almost 10 years since I completed my study in this area of Wellbeing Science so it was a wonderful opportunity to be amongst the big brains in the field, check in that I was reasonably up to date with latest research and be amongst a wide range of other practitioners in the field. 

Things are still settling in my mind and I will be working with the teachers to step our Pos Ed up a notch in the near future and offer more opportunities for you as well if you are keen to know more. 

This week, being close to our Autahians over a morning tea break, I had a moment when I thought - should I help do up that zip immediately because I’ve just been asked - very nicely I might add! Should I open that lunchbox because I’ve been asked? What about the top off the yoghurt? It’s tricky sometimes knowing when to step in and when to cheer a child on from the sideline! 

This little internal tug we can experience between being a rescuer or an observer is where children begin to find their “edge” — that stretch zone where they build confidence, capability, and grit.

Our children are good at waxing lyrical about GRIT. Hardly an assembly or karakia passes us by when these words don’t get bandied about. Our Evaluation Partners from the Education Review Office who visited recently were very impressed by our children’s ability to articulate and attempt to build these life long muscles. 

GRIT= “Passion and perseverance for long-term goals.” (Angela Duckworth)

Grit is what helps a child keep going even when learning is hard, friends are tricky, or their lego tower crashes. It’s that “try again” and, being a muscle, it grows with use.

You may be interested in checking out the Grit Scale: Grit Scale | Angela Duckworth

The other reminder from me this week is the naming of strengths. Why do we focus so much on character strengths at Worser Bay? One of the most powerful tools is helping children notice and name their strengths. This is not just what they’re good at, but also how they approach challenges. You will see examples of this in our written reporting - of teachers naming strengths and also children sharing what their strengths are and how they use them.

Every child has a unique mix, and spotting them in action can change the way they see themselves.

So instead of, “You’re so clever,” “I saw you using perseverance when you didn’t give up on that puzzle.” is a great choice. Strengths-based language builds identity — and identity drives behaviour.

Find out more: VIA Character Strengths

So coming back to my initial wondering this week around the zip, the lunchbox and the yoghurt… when should we help, and when should we hang back? I located this which I think is a useful guide:

Situation                 What to do

Dangerous?            Step in!

Distressing?            Be nearby, offer calm.

Difficult?                  Wait. Trust. Offer encouragement.

Doable (just)?         Cheer them on! This is the sweet spot.

This “sweet spot” is where grit and growth collide. It’s called the zone of proximal development, the space just beyond what a child can do alone, but is within reach with a nudge.

Oh, I know it can be hard to see children struggle - not with the zip maybe but more in their learning or with friendship… but the best thing we can do is not to make the path easy. We need to help them build the belief in their own capability.

Count to ten, don’t step in - is this a grit-building moment?

Ngā manaakitanga.

PS I lent this book out to a parent - can’t remember who and it was a while ago so they may not be reading this newsletter. It’s a recommended book and Lea is very real… you may be able to get hold of it if you are interested. 

The Strength Switch: How the New Science of Strength-Based Parenting Helps Your Child and Teen to Flourish. Lea Waters