21 June 2024

Perfectionism

“Perfect is the enemy of the good” I think this belongs to Voltaire, not me!

I do hear this language used in and around our children on a reasonably frequent basis… especially when it comes to not wanting to take risks in learning, make a mistake, take a leap of faith… and unfortunately it can trip children up - and us - if we let it! 

Some of you will have seen my drawing on a whiteboard if you attended one of our Pos Ed evenings over the years I often pull it out of the box as I think the visual stays in minds easier than words - well I’ll rely on Universal Design for Learning principles in that assumption (UDL - I’ll save this for another day!).

Imagine a straight line - Point A to Point B - the perfectionist is about getting to B along that straight line. The Optimalists line, on the other hand is a series of circles and wiggles and wobbles - but what they are learning along that journey - the process - will set them up well for whatever comes their way.

I think sometimes we may congratulate children for wanting to do things ‘perfectly’ and I’d love us to constantly reassess this tendency if we are aiming for ‘full flourish’ at primary school. 

I am confident that our ‘character strength’ language along with actively teaching children about mindsets (The YETI monster - “I can’t do it... yet!’, learning about elastic brains, emotional literacy, encouraging safe and age appropriate risks and mistake making, actively engaging in a wide variety of taught and caught Positive Education experiences, expecting failure, encouraging flow… all works together to encourage the dimming of perfectionism… we hope!

In saying that - we also know there are times when the expectation is that things are perfect! I wouldn’t want to have a surgeon for example exclaiming to me that ‘they gave up on perfectionism and are enjoying the journey!’ 

But for our children, at this rich and exciting growing time in their lives - let’s give them the best guidance we can!

Perfectionism can prevent children from taking risks but parents can help relieve the pressure, says Justin Coulson.

"We become more perfect through our failures," the Australian parenting expert tells Kathryn Ryan.

You may be interested in this: www.rnz.co.nz